In a Season of Uncertainty
(Scroll Down for Audio Version) On Tuesday we said goodbye to our home and it’s been a difficult transition for me. Partly because we still don’t have somewhere to live, plus COVID, plus fires, plus new orders in a new city and a new way of life that we are anticipating as a Navy family. It takes a lot for me to feel overwhelmed, but all of this on top of our routine being off...I’m kind of a mess. But it is okay.
This is our sixth move in seven years and I’ve never been attached to any of our places we lived. I always have cherished memories and take a ton of photos but now as Mother, I’m finding it hard to leave the home where we started our family. Every single first you can imagine we experienced in that home and I get so emotional just thinking of it all. My boys are my world and everyday I enjoyed looking around each room and remembering such sweet moments. We won’t have that at our next place, but I look forward to the new memories we will create.
I am also a person that needs closure. We were supposed to PCS in May but then it changed to September and we were thrilled. I thought I had so much extra time to spend with my friends and at our incredible Church, and then COVID happened and shut everything down here in March. I had no time. In my mind I haven’t had the proper goodbyes, the hangouts I wanted to have, the play dates, coffee visits, dinner dates, etc...and now we are leaving. I’m bummed and super sad about it if I’m being honest.
We still don’t know when we will be at our new duty station, although we need to be there by October 9th. We don’t know where we will be living, what the home or neighborhood will be like...nothing. We are pretty much going in blind. I’m not really scared though, or anxious. I’m more annoyed and frustrated that we are not able to do anything about our current situation and that everything is in limbo. I’m upset for my boys and if I think about it hard enough I feel like I’m failing them as a Mom. We thrive on our routine, structure and stability and so much has changed and is out of our control. We are thankful to have a place to live right now with my family while we are technically homeless, but it isn’t my norm and it’s hard for me. As a military spouse I’m good with change and flexibility but usually I am able to keep my routine and structure. I’m not able to right now and it’s challenging me.
Every hardship we have been through as a family, we have come through stronger and more equipped for future trials. I think back to so many seasons where I asked myself, “how will we get through this?” Where things felt impossible and overwhelming. But we made it.
Although we are in such a season of uncertainty I still remain grateful.
I’m grateful for more time with family and close friends-like-family
I’m grateful for precious time with my husband
I’m grateful for the many blessings we have because of the military
I’m grateful Chris and I both have stable jobs and income
and the list goes on...
In this season I will recognize what’s hard and feel those feelings but I will keep my spirit of positivity and gratitude. We will make it through this season, stronger...and with lots of stories to tell for the future.