When Things Don't Go as Planned
(Audio Version at the Bottom) Last week I had a "what do I do" moment, which I am realizing happens more often the longer I am a mom. If you are not a mom, don't check out. This applies to you too, I promise. My boys are very regulated and on a specific routine since they were born. It has changed a bit as they have grown, but it is always the same structure. Zeke was an "easy baby" and to our surprise Zane has been even easier. The sleep program we use explains how to teach babies around four months old how to self-settle without crying. First you pat them to sleep for a few days until they are comfortable, then you go to patting them until they are calm, then eventually you just put them down for bed and they fall asleep on their own. Typically this process takes a couple of weeks, which it did for Zeke. For Zane, we never even had to pat him, he just always went right to sleep...except for a few nights ago. After putting Zeke to bed in his room, I heard Zane crying uncontrollably from his crib in our room. Zane never cries and barely did as an infant so I was concerned. My first thought was to get him a bottle, assuming he was still hungry. After running downstairs to get him a bottle, I went in our room to find my upset babe. He had thrown up a little on the carpet and a bit on his outfit. I turned on the nightlight, gave him his bottle and began cleaning him up. After everything was cleaned up, I turned off the nightlight and he threw his bottle and started crying again. He didn't want his bottle and barely had any. I picked him up, sat down on the bed and he fell asleep in my arms...instantly. I sat there thinking about how for the first time since he was two months old, he wanted me to comfort him before bed. It literally blew me away. Zane...the baby who always went to sleep himself, Mr. independent, wanted mom to hold him. I started sobbing uncontrollably. It went from a frustrating and worrisome moment to a peace-filled, beautiful moment. I was filled with thankfulness as I held my sleeping one year old. I just sat there...holding him, thanking God for the blessing of being his mom. I decided I wanted to lay down while holding him, like I used to do. He woke up instantly, looked around, smiled, gave me a kiss and laid back down. At this point my tears overwhelmed me. My sweet boy knew not only what he needed, but what I needed. My heart was full. The night may have looked differently. I was not able to go downstairs and clean up right away or start my dinner. I didn't get to start the things I had planned to do, until an hour later. Normally this would have driven me crazy, but this time I realized my night couldn't have been better. This happens in life. We may have moments, weeks, months, or seasons that don't go as we have planned. Military life has taught me this more than anything. In the midst of changed plans and difficult moments, growth happens. Often times we have to be stretched in order to grow. This is something I try and focus on in hard seasons. We grow through what we go through! Sometimes things don't go as planned. Sometimes they turn out better.